Okay so I didn't quite get back to being as consistent with the comic as I thought. Whoops. Haha.
Don't get me wrong, I still definitely want to keep it going. The comic isn't "dead" by any means. I've seen you asking me about it! But in all honesty, I just haven't been in the right mindset to work on it lately. But I wanna at least talk it out a bit, both so you're in the know, and so I can kinda sort through all this myself.
First off, I've just been crazy busy lately. Between my day job taking up a lot of my energy, getting through commissions, EFNW design work picking back up, and just doing a LOT of traveling in the last month, I haven't had much bandwidth for the comic. I think that's something I need to remind myself more than anything. There's nothing wrong with this at all! I'm doing a lot of stuff with my life and that's rad! I'm still being super productive, it's just that none of that productivity has been going toward the comic specifically. Of course, now that all my travel for the forseeable future is done, my schedule is opening up a tad more too. And that means I should be able to work more on the comic, right?
Well. That would be the case, if it weren't for another factor: For better or worse, I just haven't been as invested in the current story as I was a year ago.
A LOT has changed in the last year or so for me. My health has improved, I've been more active socially, and I've even gotten to travel a whole bunch this year. Actually, I think this year marks the most times I've flown on a plane in a single year, ever. Crazy! I've also had a chance to figure out my feelings about a lot of stuff, and I feel like I'm in a much better place as a result. Woo-hoo!
Okay, so what does that have to do with Hedgehog's Dilemma? Well, a year ago, I was thinking SO much about gender, relationships, and dating. Both my past experiences, and what I wanted out of future experiences. So I figured, why not write a comic exploring those thoughts? And so, Charlie and her friends were born. Since then, I ended up going on some dates, met up with some other people, and had some experiences that gave me a bit more clarity about what I want for myself. Ultimately, what I figure out is:
- I'm definitely non-binary.
- While I enjoy the idea of dating, I'm not super passionate about it.
- Sex ain't all that it's cracked up to be, at least for me.
These revelations are all awesome, and I'm glad I had them! But also, it might explain why I feel a bit disconnected now from Charlie, a woman that is more or less foaming at the mouth at the prospect of having a girlfriend, and all of the companionship, romance, and sex that comes with that. This is especially troublesome since when we last left off, she was well on her way to kickstarting things with Danae! But with that emotional disconnect, I feel like I'd have to force myself to continue that storyline. And I can't very well pull a 180 and have Charlie suddenly lose interest in all of that, because, well, then that kinda defeats the whole purpose of the comic as I originally conceived it! Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that, but it's a frustrating notion to contend with. Although I also fear that that might disappoint everyone who was really looking forward to Charlie and Danae finally starting their relationship.
Lots to consider here. I don't think the comic is unsalvageable or anything like that. Just need to adjust course a bit so I can still write a story and characters that feel genuine to me instead of forcing myself to stick to a plan. There is no plan! I'm writing this comic for me first and foremost after all. Not like I have anyone to answer to. But I do need to figure out what I wanna do with these characters going forward. I still care about them very much, but it's just occurring to me lately that they've changed shape in my brain a bunch in the last year, and I'm still trying to fit them into holes that I cut out for them a year ago.
So while I've been trying to do a hard reset on my brain with all that, I've opted to re-embrace my inner middle schooler and return to being obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog. I've been having a grand ol' time doing silly drawings with them. And a good portion of it IS shipping art. For some reason that's been easier than trying to do the same thing with my own characters. Probably because with fanart I'm just capturing brief moments instead of trying to make everything fit in an ongoing story. And also probably because Sonic characters are like little action figures in my head that I can fuck around with, whereas my own original characters feel...a little more than that? Although I feel like I gotta figure out how to break free from that. If anything, Charlie and co. are my toys to play with! I should feel no pressure when messing around with them, but for some reason I do. But hopefully I can get to the bottom of why that is, so I can go back to having fun with them again. Hedgehog's Dilemma is supposed to be a fun side project after all. I just gotta remember how to let myself have fun and not worry so much.
So that's all. Thanks for bearing with me. Charlie and her friends are still kicking around! In fact, I sketched them recently and posted it over on my Patreon. And I'll hopefully have more to share there soon! I also still want to add a subpage to the site for sketches and stuff that isn't my comic. No ETA on that, it'll happen when it happens.
Keep it real! More stuff is on the way!
--mel